


I would give you everything

by Unda



Series: It's the end of the world as we know it [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Child Abuse, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-30 01:37:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10866336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unda/pseuds/Unda
Summary: Part of Chapter 10 of M.C Escher that's my favourite MC from Dirk's POV. Dirk is torn on the idea of Bro dying, but he does what he needs to do.





	I would give you everything

**Author's Note:**

> The title and quoted song sections are from NW5 by Madness which I happened to be listening to as I was writing, I felt the lyrics matched Dirk's relationships to both Bro and Dave. Give it a listen.

_Oh, I watched you grow up_

_Only to despise_

_I've seen the madness stack up_

_Through tarpaulin eyes_

 

_I have heard you come up_

_Believing your own lies_

_Witnessed the blessing rise up_

_In a very strange disguise_

  


Your name is Dirk Strider, and Dave is cowering on the floor before you as you advance towards him. The back of your hand stings and you can see the handprint on his cheek. His shades are on the floor, and he looks up at you with wide, watering, red eyes. He isn’t fighting back and he should, he’s never going to make it if he doesn’t toughen up, so you’re going to-

 

You halt. You tense your hand into a fist and suck a breath in. You’re not angry, this isn’t you. You would never hurt Dave. You know who you are and this isn’t you, this is the one thing that you will never do. You run yourself through your memories, how did you get here? Your hand stings, Dave has been hit, but you don’t actually remember hitting him.

 

You’re dreaming.

 

You open your eyes.

 

A red ceiling looms over you, and you sigh, you opened the wrong eyes. You sit up in bed and look around your half of your bedroom on this strange moon that you’ve come to learn is Derse. You suppose that your real body is still deeply asleep, probably with Cal sat right on your chest. You don’t know what it is about that goddamn puppet, but it always gives you nightmares, ones where you hurt Dave, ones where you wake up to find that you literally are Bro, sometimes you see Dave as an adult and see him die to a sword through the chest. You’re wise to this shit now, so it pisses you off, but it’s old news.

 

You push out of bed and walk to the window, purple spires stretch across the landscape in the permadark of space, and you calmly leap from the ledge and take flight. You pass Roxy’s room, she’s still in there though she’s out of her bed again; you drift by Rose’s and see her sound asleep too. Finally, you come to Dave’s.

 

Dave is sleeping restlessly as you come through the window. He always used to get nightmares as a little kid, but ever since you’ve woken up here you’ve been able to keep them at bay for the most part. You look around the room for where the puppet is hiding, opening wardrobes and drawers until you finally find the grinning thing under Dave’s bed. You pitch it out of the window and return to Dave’s side, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

 

You stay there as his brow uncrinkles and his breathing slows. You fuss with his hair a little until he looks like himself again and not like a kid who’s been thrashing about in his sleep. You pluck his shades from his face and set them by his pillow. He mumbles something in his sleep and rolls onto his side, almost curling around where you’re sitting.

 

He’s growing up so fast. You’re sure that you’re fucking this up but soon you’re going to be free of Bro, and you’ll give Dave everything he deserves. He’ll have a good home and go to a good school. You’ll take him to see his sisters whenever he wants. You’ll be able to actively look after him and not spend most of your time doing damage control from Bro.

 

You get up and look out of the window once more, you can’t see Cal, so you figure that he’s gone elsewhere.

 

Cal is… alive, somehow. And not just here, but back in the real world too. Sometimes he moves around when you’re sure Bro isn’t there, not that you’ve ever seen it. And no matter how many times you’ve tried to get rid of the thing he always comes back. Whenever you touch him, you feel like you’re standing on the edge of a ledge, about to fall and vertigo fills your brain. Sometimes you swear it makes you think things, thoughts that aren’t your own. Thoughts about hurting Dave or, if Cal catches you sleeping, nightmares of just that.

 

You’re pretty sure that you’re crazy but you have Hal watching your every move, and he has pulled you up on shit before, times when you’ve started acting on thoughts that didn’t come from you. The solution is always the same, and it’s always Dave. No matter what you will never hurt Dave. That core belief and your love for that kid is the fixed point from which you move the universe. That thought is your armour against Bro, you can take what he dishes out if it’s to protect Dave. You can work harder if it’s to make a life for Dave. You can work with Hal and against Bro even when not doing so is easier, as long as it’s all for Dave.

 

He’s your knight in stupid purple pyjamas.

 

No, really, that’s what the weird little people on Derse call him. The Knight of Derse. For some reason they’ve decided that you’re the Prince of Derse so what do they know? You figure that Dave would get a kick out of all of this, but you always back out of telling him, you don’t want him to think that you’re crazy.

 

Your family aren’t even the only people on Derse either, there are other towers with other kids in them. Outside of your family, there are twelve trolls of varying ages from as young as Dave to maybe even a little older than you. But you’re the only one awake.

 

You fly back to your own room and get into your own bed again. If you go to sleep here, you wake up back in your own bed, that’s the weird rules of this place.

 

You open your eyes to Cal’s glassy blue ones, and you immediately grab him by his creepy face. You remember a time in your life when you liked puppets, you remember a time in your life when your Bro would make actual toys. You remember before Dave was born that you had a plush seagull that Bro had actually made you, but that was before your parents died and before Cal showed up.

 

You haul your ass out of bed and look at the clock and slide your shades on, it’s 4 am.

 

AT: Happy birthday, Dirk.  
TT: Thanks.  
AT: Bro is awake, he put Cal on you about an hour ago. He’s currently in his room.  
TT: Ok, I’m gonna go shower. I’m not getting back to sleep again now.  
AT: Before you do, we have a problem.  
TT: I’m listening.  
AT: It’s not Dave’s fault, it’s mine, I should have realised what he was doing.  
AT: He was looking at the change of guardianship forms.  
TT: It’s not like it was a surprise, Hal.  
AT: It was to Bro.  
AT: Dave didn’t hide them well enough. I assumed he’d put them back in the same place in the box but evidently not.  
AT: Bro knows that we’re taking Dave.  
TT: ...fuck.  
AT: Yeah, hence why you got Cal to the chest.  
TT: Has he destroyed it?  
AT: No, and even if he did we could just fill in another.  
AT: You could, I mean.  
TT: Okay. Do you have any suggestions?  
AT: I can take a stab at a few possible outcomes here.  
AT: Option one, Bro demands strife as punishment, your birthday starts out with gratuitous violence. That’s not so bad.  
AT: Option two, Bro confronts you about the form, goes all ‘if I can’t have him no one can’ and tries to hurt or kill Dave. Despite how much of an asshole Bro is we’ve never seen him trying to use lethal force, I don’t like not knowing how he’d operate there.  
AT: Option three, he kicks you out and potentially steals Dave by running off. I could track him but with Dave out of supervision that long… I don’t like the odds for him.  
TT: What’s your guess as to most likely possibility here?  
AT: I don’t have enough data so this really is a guess rather than a calculation, but I think three.  
TT: We need to reconsider plan B then.  
AT: Dude, you haven’t even had breakfast yet, and you’re planning murder.  
AT: We’ve gone through this before, there’s only one way that you can kill Bro and not go to jail, and that’s if it’s an accident.  
AT: Otherwise you go to jail, Dave is in foster care, and I’m parenting a kid through a pair of glasses.  
AT: Oh, and the biggest flaw in this plan  
AT: DAVE.  
AT: How do you think he’ll cope with knowing that you killed Bro?  
TT: Better than being raised by Bro alone or in fucking foster care.  


 

You get up and drag Cal behind you, crossing the short distance to Dave’s bed. Dave is sleeping peacefully now that you chased off the thing causing him nightmares. You lean down and brush your hand gently on his pale hair, Dave mumbles something meaningless in his sleep.

 

TT: It’s Dave.  
TT: I’d kill anyone to keep him safe.  
TT: Anyone in the world, I don’t care who.  
AT: Okay, right, how about you put the creepy puppet down and have this conversation again.  
AT: Because you sound like a serial killer right now.  


 

You leave the room and throw Cal into the living room and shut yourself in the bathroom, you feel marginally better.

 

TT: Okay, I don’t want to kill Bro. He’s still my brother.  
TT: I hate him and never want to see him again, but I don’t want him dead.  
TT: But if it’s him or Dave…  
AT: Yeah, I hear you.  
AT: But how would you, theoretically, plan the perfect murder?  


 

You start to brush your teeth and frown in the mirror at yourself, or rather at Hal.

 

TT: We’ve had this conversation before, it needs to look like an accident.  
AT: Yes, Bro is so very accident prone.  
AT: Whoops, I tripped and fell on one of my many swords, this isn’t suspicious at all!  
AT: And right as my brother JUST turned legally old enough to be the guardian of my child.  
TT: What about the roof?  
AT: What about it?  
TT: People fall off of them.  
AT: Wait, are you talking accident or faking a suicide here?  


 

You hum thoughtfully and spit into the sink.

 

TT: No documented history of depression so that’d be a hard one to swing.  
AT: And the cops would interview Dave, the world’s worst liar.  
AT: Dave could never convince a cop that Bro was depressed.   
TT: So, an accident it is.  
TT: The neighbours must know that we’re up there a lot, so it’s not new behaviour. Accidents are bound to happen.  
AT: And how do you plan on getting him to fall off of the roof? Because if you try to push him, he’ll either a) take you with him b) not fall but then throw you off instead or c) leave a shitload of evidence like scratch marks on your arm.  
AT: Spoiler alert, these options all end up with you in jail or dead.  
TT: So we get him to accidentally fall off.  
TT: It’s his birthday, he’ll be drunk at some point today.<  
AT: And we’ve never seen Bro so drunk that he can’t control himself. He’s not his soulmate.  
TT: So find me something that I can spike his drink with that the police won’t find.  
AT: You’re serious about this, aren’t you?  
AT: Dirk, murder is Bro levels of evil. Past it, in fact. Bro hasn’t ever killed anyone.  
AT: You’re going too far. Come back from this precipice, man.  
TT: Noted. Now find me a way.  
AT: I know you read what I just wrote, I watched your eyes take in my sweet red text.  
AT: You made me to stop shit like this happening. You can’t just murder Bro.  
TT: It’s plan B, not plan A.  
TT: Research it for me, you’re the only one of us that can have that kind of search and call history.  
TT: If you don’t I’ll do it myself, and you’ll be upping the chances of this going badly for Dave.  
TT: Are you really going to violate your prime purpose like that?  
AT: Fine. But I’m against this.  
TT: I can live with that.  
AT: Look in the mirror.  


 

You look up and raise an eyebrow at Hal.

 

AT: Imagine Dave looking at you, now explain to him that you’ve killed Bro.  
AT: Picture how he’s going to look at you.  
TT: Just do the research.  


 

You leave the bathroom, you’re not in the mood for a shower anymore. Besides with Bro awake and having seen your guardianship form you’re not happy with being that vulnerable or being away from Hal who could warn you of danger to Dave. When you come into the main room, you see Bro sat on the sofa, staring into Cal’s eyes.

 

“Happy Birthday little brother.” Bro says calmly, not looking up from the puppet.

 

“Same to you.” You reply blandly, you can almost feel Hal whirring with thought as he crunches the numbers to work out which of his scenarios are happening here.

 

“Saw you trying to get yourself a birthday present.” Bro continues, and you frown.

 

“You can’t have him.” Bro says into the silence that you just left there.

 

“The form.” You say because you are still pretending that you don't have a supercomputer spying for you. Bro stands up and sets Cal up on a shelf and turns to face you with a sigh.

 

“You can’t have him, Dave is mine.” Bro informs you and folds his arms.

 

“You don’t own him, he’s a kid. And secondly, a fine fucking job you’ve done. He’d have starved to death without me.” You point out.

 

“You baby him, he could have found food all on his own, and now he’s not gonna know how to do it. You’re fucking it all up.” Bro sneers.

 

“He’s a _kid_ he’s not a- a goddamn animal that you’re releasing into the wild!” You snap furiously.

 

“Close enough. I have plans for that kid, Dirk, and I’ve only tolerated you interfering this much because you’re blood. You ain't taking Dave away from me, he has a destiny.” Bro says, getting in your space so that you’re almost nose to nose.

 

“You’re a fucking lunatic.” you tell him.

 

“Run your mouth all you like little brother, your head won’t be on your shoulders much longer. I know where you’re going.” Bro laughs although there’s no humour in it. You back up two quick steps and arm yourself but when Bro sees your weapon he laughs.

 

“Nah, not wasting the energy on that. Be out of my house by tomorrow morning, or I’ll make sure that you never see Dave again.” Bro says and grabs his keys from the side and walks right out of the front door.

 

You lower your sword, though you can see the blade trembling from your shaking hands.

 

TT: He’s taking Dave.  
AT: Plan B it is.  
AT: But can I also suggest plan C?  
AT: Take Dave, rent a car, drive, get the hell away from here.  
TT: Bro would follow.  
AT: I can keep you ahead of him.  
TT: What kind of life is that for Dave?  
AT: Dirk, he’s our brother. Don’t you remember what he was like?  


 

Hal flashes up an old photograph, you must be about three in it because you’re in the house that you shared with Roxy once. You’re in Bro’s arms, and you’re both laughing at something out of the frame of the picture. Your brother used to be fun, he used to love you, and he used to love Roxanne too.

 

Hal flashes another photo, this one of you as just a newborn in Bro’s arms with your parents on either side of him. Rosalind and David, God Dave is really starting to look like your dad. How fitting that Bro named his first son after him. Bro looks so human, he looks just like you.

 

TT: Don’t you think I miss him?  
TT: I miss the brother that took me in and never complained about it.  
TT: I fucking loved him and I know you must feel that too because that’s what you’re guilting me with.  
TT: But tell me when the last time you saw that man was.  
AT: Less than a minute ago.  
TT: I don’t mean the guy with the same DNA, I mean the man who Bro used to be.  
TT: Use your giant brain and tell me.  
AT: I don’t know.  
AT: Sometime before you made me, and my memories of that far back are somewhat hazy from being stored in your head meat for years.  
TT: Now he’s just the guy who’s going to kidnap Dave.  
TT: The guy who tortures both of us and has some psychotic ‘plan’ for him.  
TT: We have to stop him. You know it’s the most logical thing.  


 

Hal doesn’t respond and so you sheath your weapon and sit down on the sofa.

 

TT: He’ll always be our brother and we can still love who he used to be.  
TT: But we love Dave too, and he’s in danger.  
AT: I know.  
AT: We can’t let Dave live like this.  
AT: I think that rohypnol is our best bet. I’ll see what I can do.  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: And Hal, I’m sorry.  
AT: Me too.  


 

You feel like there should be a booklet for this ‘ _So you’re going to murder your brother’._ You know it’s the only thing that you can do in this situation, you had to do this, for Dave. It doesn’t mean that you like thinking about it though. You need to do something else while Hal works on how you’re going to do what you have to do.

 

[timaeusTestified began pestering golgothasTerror]

TT: How’s island life today, Jake?  
GT: You say that like im some blasted foreign savage strider!  
TT: At the very least you are technically foreign.  
GT: My late grandfather was a us citizen i will have you know.    
TT: Well, you weren’t born here, so you’re not.  
GT: Dagnabbit.  
TT: Besides, I’m not badmouthing your island. Right now I’d rather be there than here.  
GT: Oh?  
GT: Trouble in texas?  
TT: It’s hard to explain. I’d just rather be on a beach.  
GT: What time is it there right now anyway?  
TT: 4 am  
GT: Gadzooks! It’s your birthday already and you didn’t say!  
TT: I’m not sure 4 am really counts. Dave certainly wouldn’t say so, I count it a win any day I can get that kid up before 10 am.  
GT: I know the feeling jade can be one snoozy girl herself.  
GT: But regardless i should wish you a happy birthday.  
TT: Eighteen.  
TT: It’s weird to think about it.  
GT: Dirk can i ask  
GT: That is to say that you seem to have something on your mind.  
GT: Can i help at all or ask what it is thats bothering you?  


 

You do not type that you are planning the murder of your brother. You don’t even like saying about how bad things are with you and Bro anyway, only Roxy knows the truth and you know that Dave doesn’t tell his friends any of it either. The pair of you have carefully constructed lies about your lives.

 

TT: You’re a little too far away for practical help.  
GT: Advice then?  
TT: It’s complicated, sorry.  
GT: Try me!  
TT: Subject change, do you think that we could ever meet?  


 

You slap your hands over your face and groan. Evidently, the stress is wearing down your mental filters. You open your eyes to see a side window opened up, a message from Hal.

 

AT: Smooth.  
AT: Like gravel.  
TT: Eat me.  


 

GT: Actually…  
GT: Well im not supposed to say. Its a secret.  
GT: Buuuuuut jade has plans for next april at the end of the month  
GT: She’s been fiddling with a lot of the tech on the island and my less scientific guess is that shes thinking we can get to the mainland with it. Not that she will tell me because shes one devious lass.  
TT: Wow, fuck border control, huh?  
TT: Is that even possible though?  
GT: We shall see. But please dont say anything to the others.  
GT: I would hate to get hopes up.  
GT: But as it is your very special birthday i thought i would share my theories.  
TT: I’d love that.  


 

You want to bring up about how you think that you’re his soulmate again, you know that Roxy bugs him about it (although you know that Roxy wants you to end up with Jake so that Jane ends up with her, she’s got her own horse in that race). Jake has always dodged the question, and you’ve known better than to bring it up more than twice in all the years that you’ve known him. You just like him so much that it makes you almost feel sick sometimes.

 

You spend a lot of the rest of your morning talking to Hal about his attempts to secure you drugs with which to murder your brother, making you tenser. And also talking to Jake which both relaxes you and makes you tense in different ways.

 

When Dave finally wakes up and get out of bed just before midday you end up royally screwing up that interaction. Jake stopped talking to you because he had to see to Jade and so it was just you and Hal left driving each other crazy.

 

He scares the crap out of you when he first shows up, and then he gives you a present paid for with money that he stole from Bro of all people. All you can think of is Bro catching him and punishing him for it and if you don't kill Bro today then when Bro does find out you won't be there to protect Dave. You know he can't defend himself against a grown man, it's stupid to expect him to.

 

You upset him enough that he storms off to his room with a slam of the door and leaves you alone with Hal all over again.

 

AT: 10/10 for screwing that up.  
TT: 10/10 for failing to watch Dave protecting him, you know, the thing I made you for.  
AT: Ouch.  
TT: You started it.  
TT: Don't play if you can't stand to lose.  
AT: Whatever, Dave's right you are an asshole.  
TT: Same to you.  
AT: Moving on, I think I've found someone to sell this drug to you.  
AT: You're going to have to meet him in person.  
TT: Who is it?  
AT: Funnily enough it's Eric Peterson.  
TT: From chemistry class?  
AT: I guess he took the chemistry part seriously, huh?  
TT: Huh. I guess.  
AT: You're meeting him at 1 pm out back behind the mall.  
AT: You'll need $30.  
TT: That's not a problem, I already have that much cash on me.  
AT: Good, no ATM trail then.  


 

You plan your route there avoiding security cameras as best as you can and by the time that you're done Dave has evidently forgiven you and come out of his room. Hal warns you, and you look around at Dave.

 

“Are you okay?” Dave asks, evidently worried about you. That's great, he tried to give you a nice gift, and you yelled at him, and now he's worried for you. Poor kid has been conditioned to think that he deserves far too much shit already, you don't need him thinking that more. And yet, you're going to have to leave him alone so that you can run out and get your murder weapon. A glowing pinnacle of a healthy family you are.

 

“Yeah. I’m fine. Sorry about freaking out on you, I know you were just trying to be nice. I really like the robot kits, you’re a good brother.” You say to him. It occurs to you that if you get caught buying this stuff you could go to jail and lose Dave completely. Hal could also be setting you up because he's afraid that someone willing to kill Bro might hurt Dave too, you did program him to defend Dave at all costs. So many things could go wrong.

 

“Uh, thanks? Are you sure you’re good, you seem… jumpy.” Dave says, walking towards you like you're a scared animal.

 

You need to get out of here. You have to go.

 

“No! I’m good. Hey, I need to go out for a bit. I gotta see an old high school friend about a thing. I’ll be back before Bro gets home.” You say hurriedly. You're just about to turn and leave when Dave speaks up again.

 

“Oh, great! Can I come with? It’ll be boring here all day on my own.” Dave asks hopefully, really twisting the knife of how much better a person he is than you. He just wants to spend time with you, and you're going out to plot a MURDER.

 

“No. I won’t be long, and you’ve got Hal to talk to. Okay? I’ve got my keys so, I’ll see you later. Bye Dave.” You say and rush out of the building, hurrying down the stairs as fast as you can.

 

AT: Smooth.  
TT: Shut. Up.  
AT: Okay, here's your route:  


 

Hal throws up his HUD, and you follow him through the city, trusting that your interests align enough for him to not fuck you over. You end up outside the back of the mall without incident and face to face with Peterson from school. You have to indulge in some ridiculous talk about what he thinks that you want this for. You try to tamp down on your offence that he thinks that you're going to use this to drug some poor girl into your bed because saying that you're going to use it to murder a dude isn't any better. You have officially lost the moral high ground.

 

You don't need Hal to walk you back home, and you let your feet take you their own way, it's far too hot outside, and you need time to calm down before what is going to happen happens.

 

You want some way out of this, some way that you can keep Bro alive but keep Dave truly safe and free to live a normal life. It's not like this is the first time you've thought of killing Bro. You've thought of it in strifes, just one stab through the chest and you'd be free. But it's one thing to think it in the adrenaline surge of your brother attacking you, in the emotional haze of abuse and pain. Thinking it like this, alone and in the stark light of day is another.

 

He used to be a good person. Or at least he used to be a real person who loved you. You once blamed Roxanne for leaving him and leaving you behind, but he was a bad guy before she left. She left because he was terrible, it wasn't the other way around.

 

You get home and you look after Dave, you try to entertain him as best as you can, but your mind is sticking to the pills stored in your sylladex. You cook dinner for him, but your stomach is churning too much to eat much at all. You don’t want to do this, Bro is your brother.

 

You look across at Dave as he eats and you see how skinny he is, you mentally plot the scars on his body and all the places you’ve had to stitch him back together as he holds back tears. Dave doesn’t deserve this and if you don’t man up and do what has to be done then things will only get worse for him.

 

Dave goes to bed eventually, and you’re left sitting on the sofa staring at the wall and waiting for Bro to return.

 

AT: He’s coming down the road.  
AT: If you’re going to do this, then you need to start now.  


 

You stand up from the sofa robotically and quietly pull two glasses from the cupboard, a glass you made from an old coke bottle and a mason jar for the other one. You drop the pills in the coke bottle and pour bourbon on them and fill a decent amount of the booze to your glass. You watch the pills vanish and swirl the alcohol in the glass to be sure.

 

Bro comes through the door and stares right at you, his mouth in a cold sneer. He shuts it behind him with a shove and looks you up and down.

 

“You’re still here.” Bro says coldly. You’re supposed to be gone, abandoning Dave to him.

 

“It’s not midnight yet.” You say, as if you have any intention of leaving.

 

You can’t see where Bro is looking with his shades in the way but you can see the subtle tilt of his head as he takes in the two glasses by your side.

 

“When did you pour that? You’re just helping yourself to my booze now?” Bro demands and you pick up the spiked drink and hold it out to him as you raise your own up.

 

“It’s our birthday, isn’t it? Might as well enjoy my last night here, you are still my brother you know. You should have a drink.” You say, offering him his glass.

 

You fight to keep your hand steady as Bro takes the glass. You hold out your own glass and, after a moment’s pause, you clink glasses.

 

The alcohol burns your throat going down, but you can’t see any indication on Bro’s face that he can tell that his drink is anything other than it appears to be. In the corner of your shades Hal starts a timer, it takes fifteen minutes on average for the drug to kick into full effect. You need to buy time and not get injured, it will look far more suspicious to the police if you’re hurt when Bro happened to accidentally fall.

 

You also need this to not happen around Dave, a full argument or strife in here will certainly wake him up and-

 

AT: Dave is awake and watching. I’m running interference, but you need to get Bro on the roof now.  


 

Well, shit.

 

“You’re getting slower, don’t think I haven’t noticed.” You say to Bro, and he slams his now empty glass down on the kitchen counter with a thunk.

 

“No way and I’m faster than you, you fucking fag.” Bro snaps and adrenaline spikes in your system. Bro hates you, and you’re really looking forward to not being insulted like this all of the time. Fuck him.

 

“That’s not even vaguely relevant. Like, shit, that I really want to meet the guy I know is my soulmate and make him fuck my brains out isn’t even a little related to how you’re getting older and slower and I’m still getting faster.” You say, running your mouth in a way that you’ve never dared to before now. Goodness knows this is a thing you think about a lot, meeting Jake on his far-off fantasy island and having him all to yourself. If that makes you a monster in Bro’s eyes then _fine_.

 

“I always knew you were lying when you said you weren’t a filthy homo, you ran away like a pussy and you only came back because here is where Dave belongs. You didn’t fool me. And you don’t know shit about my speed, I’m prepared for things you can’t even imagine.” Bro hisses at you and lunges for you. You shove him back in the confined space and eventually get free without anything that’ll leave a mark. Time to get out of here.

 

“Uh-huh. How about we take this upstairs, old man?” You jeer and flashstep backwards for the door, opening it. Bro snarls at you and you bounce up the stairs when you see that he’s following you through the door as opposed to tricking you into leaving.

 

Bro chases you up the stairs, and Hal flashes that two minutes have elapsed. You stop midway through the roof and watch him looming in the doorway. Uncertainty wavers in you once more, but you crush it.

 

“It’s the speed that you’re losing.” You tell him, and Bro leaps for you but by the time that he gets to where you were you’re not there anymore.

 

“See?” You taunt him, and he lunges at you again.

 

Three minutes pass and then four but you cannot keep this speed up forever, and you can already feel Bro’s fingers grazing your skin when you change direction. Hal is running calculations as fast as he can, telling you which way to go so that Bro can’t corner you. But then it starts to happen, Bro’s fingers catch your arm and fumble. They fail to catch you and when you stop Bro skids unsteadily.

 

“You don’t understand.” Bro pants and looks down hazily at his hands.

 

“You’re right, I don’t. Explain it to me.” You demand, your hands clenching into fists.

 

“I’m not choosing this, Dirk. This is how things have to be.” Bro snaps.

 

“No, it doesn’t have to be like this! You don’t need to hurt us, everything you do to me, to Dave, this isn’t how it has to be. This isn’t how it used to be.” You plead.

 

Bro shakes his head, and for a split second, you think you see a splinter of the man your brother used to be.

 

“It was always this way, it is was going to be. You don’t understand.” Bro rambles and you see pain on his face.

 

“I understand that you’re actually crazy. Bro, look, maybe we can get help for you.” You offer, taking a step towards him. Maybe there’s another way that this can go down.

 

“No. I know that I make it through because I have a place there, you’re trying to stop this, stop him but-” Bro falters, and his head tilts up slightly. You don’t need to look, you can see the reflection of Cal in his shades on the air conditioning block behind you.

 

“He’s already here.” Bro says robotically, and his face is back to the cold neutral that you see every day.

 

Suddenly his sword is out and he lunges for you, you grab your own and parry his blows, careful to not let him nick you. His attacks are sloppy now and as you flashstep sideways out of one of his attacks he keeps going. His body sails to the edge of the building, and in his surprise he lets go of his sword.

 

Time seems to slow, and you see your choice before you. You could grab Bro’s hand, pull him back from the edge but risk your own life and Dave’s, or you can grab his sword and let your brother fall unarmed to the floor below. You’ll be removing any evidence of foul play and securing the future for you and Dave.

 

You look at Bro and your heart breaks. You can’t save him.

 

You snatch his sword from the air and watch as Bro tumbles off of the edge, you see fear and horror on his face but also total confusion as to how this happened at all. Time speeds up again, and Bro vanishes from view. You hear a sickening smack from below, and a woman screams.

 

You don’t even need Hal to prompt you. You did this, you need to look at what you’ve done.

 

You walk to the edge of the building and look down.

 

Bro’s arms and legs are at unnatural angles, like a dropped puppet spread on the ground. His skin appears to have split in a few places, and blood flows rapidly out of him, haloing around his body first and then down into the drain below. At least he’s not alive and suffering.

 

You step back once, twice and then a third time. You shove your glasses into your hair and cover your hands with your face. You sob precisely once for your brother, the one who loved you once. The brother who looked after you when your parents died and raised you until he became someone else. Something else. Your brother is dead and in a way he has been for a long time, but now you can never get him back. You wipe at your eyes and set your glasses back on your face.

 

AT: Call the police.  
AT: Also Cal is behind you.  
AT: And hurry because Dave is getting ready to come up here and he does not need to see this.  


 

You nod and call the police, the phone call is startlingly quick. You leave Cal up on the roof and find Dave. You say… something to him about the police. You dodge his questions about how Bro fell and try to clean away any evidence that you can. You try to make a fake glass for Bro to have drunk out of but then Hal points out that the prints won’t match so you throw them in with the rest of the soaking dishes.

 

The police arrive, and you seem to be missing chunks of time. You’re running on autopilot and Hal’s guidance. You may need to watch this back in the future.

 

You remember seeing Bro’s body again, you remember _Dave_ seeing Bro’s body again and doing your best to stop him. You remember him crying against your side. You remember parts of an interview, fingerprints. It is becoming increasingly evident that no one suspects that you did anything wrong.

 

You are released and given provisional custody of Dave, you will have to submit a full request in time. You already had that form filled out. Bro can’t dispute it now.

 

You take an exhausted Dave home and watch as he clumsily dresses for bed again. He doesn’t know what you did, you’re not sure if you can ever tell him, but you feel that lying to Dave isn’t the way to do things. You don’t need to tell him now, and this is the wrong time to try. Dave puts his pyjama shirt on over his head and gets tangled in his own shades with an indignant noise, as he extricates himself you start to count the scars on his back. A gravel burn here, a sword slice there, poor stitching down there, oddly geometric scars from glass and you would go on, but Dave has managed to pull his shirt down.

 

Never, ever, again.

 

You did the right thing, and you did a terrible thing, these are not contradictions.

 

Dave sits on the edge of your bed and touches your limp hand with his. He’s trying to make you feel better. He still thinks that you deserve to not feel terrible. Poor, sweet, Dave.

 

“It’s not your fault. I know you lied to the police about strifing up there or whatever but that doesn’t mean it was- AUGH!” Dave yelps and you go from wallowing to protecting in 0.25 seconds. You jam your hand under the bed where Dave’s foot was and pull up Cal. His glassy blue eyes stare into yours, somehow making eye contact despite being inanimate.

 

You left him on the roof. Bro is dead, he didn’t put him here and Dave would never. Cal moved on his own.

 

No, that’s crazy talk, you have to be wrong. You really hope that you’re not going crazy like Bro.

 

AT: Maybe there’s more than one of them and also the one on the roof is somehow gone by coincidence?  


 

Hal is trying to make you feel better. You throw the puppet out into the hallway and shut the door on it. You will work out a sane response to this later.

 

You herd Dave back into his bed and fall into your own again.

 

You shut your eyes and see what you thought you would see. Bro falling, reaching out for you to catch him and you letting him fall anyway. A fork where your decision could have changed everything. You crush your face into the pillow and let your eyes leak. You regret nothing.

 

You had to protect Dave.

  
  


_Though we face the final curtain_

_One thing remains, that's for certain_

_I will love you all my life_

_But without you in my life_

 


End file.
